Parents to the Rescue

This is pretty common, to every parent who loves their children so much that they will do anything in their power not to allow any unpleasant experience to befall their children, right ?

Imagine this scenario:
Forgot to bring book to school - call parents to the rescue, else a caning on the hand is the consequence.

That's the Confucius discipline most Chinese primary schools live by, in order to instil the sense of problem ownership in the children from young, which is to face the consequence.

I had my share of answering to rescue phone calls. And quite irritated at why they aren't learning after each "mistake".
When they are in the desperate call, turning away and not helping seems cruel and give you the guilt feeling. The kid would also feel sad.

My teenage boy forgot to bring his necktie on Monday and we were already at his
school gate. He requested to turn back home as we still had time, or else the punishment is detention during P.E. class cleaning up a room or something.

I thought for a moment to let him face the consequence but an idea came.
I said, I would rescue him this once. And next time around, better plan not to miss this again, like keep the tie in the bag at all times, etc.

It was brilliant. I felt good I helped him and he felt good that his mommy was sensitive to his needs. But most importantly is that he learns about taking action to prevent this from happening. That's what we want them to learn, right ?

My other boy, upon hearing this exclaimed, "OK, I have one unused rescue call !"

Maleness of the Boy

Don't we as grown-ups often shake our heads when our boys simply couldn't handle the simplest of the simplest tasks, for example, personal hygiene ? That seems to be the last thing they care.

Well, when I am in disbelief, I shall remind myself that's natural of a boy.
The maleness of the boy:

1) Inclined more to exploration, investigation and discovering how things work - hence always trying new things and messing up
2) Pitting themselves against each other in physical challenges - hence physical play and the noise that comes along
3) Easily distracted - need goals and coaching in direction and how to be persistent
4) Love adrenalin-packed activities, hence the war movies, stunts,.. things mommy find hard to appreciate

And I believe the boys do not outgrow these characteristics .. just look at other grown-up males. So, take heart that its all in the maleness genes.

The Retaliation begins at Tween - Practise Patience !

It is the 3rd time one of my boys turn into his 12th year and as in past experience, I anticipate the true colours to show. The testosterone level hikes up, voice starts to break and you'll notice the guy doesn't listen to you much anymore.

Retaliation begins when you repeat your requests to turn off the TV for the 3rd time;
or when you ask perhaps a little too persistently whether he wants some vegetables during dinner time.
He would roar a strong answer to get his message across !

Overnight, he has turned from a sweet obeying kid to a tween bent on getting his voice heard.PERIOD.

I think, to the boys growing into tween/teens:
1) Having their voice heard is the way they prove to the family that they have grown even if it makes them sound disrespectful or uncool.
2) They dislike being told to do this/that.Their decision counts.

I am getting a lot of the above of late, so I have to remind myself to
1) Continue to stress to him that one does not have to raise one's voice and sound disrespectful. And to tell him that I will respect his answer and let's abide by the rules, firmly. Be prepared with more retaliation but tell him that you are not to be drawn into a battle of outburst. And wrap with a SMILE.

2) Plan the tasks with them to be completed with a deadline and avoid the telling part, but instead ask if they have got them done.

Most important, need to remind myself to take his first answer seriously. But you know, as mothers do, we try hard to squeeze in a bit of our wishes, and feel accomplished if the guy complies.

Should have been 3rd time wiser parenting a tweenager, yet still requires a lot of resilience, practice and self-reminder. As each boy is so different, every encounter is a new challenge.

PATIENCE is the keyword. The SMILE is to avoid anger building up.
I am in a battle of words right now with one of my boys as I write this !
As one of my friends encouraged, "Enjoy them!"